Mario learns things he wishes he didn't know
by Mojoblackwhite
Summary: Mario learns some disturbing facts that he wishes he didn't know. Read if you dare...
1. Disclaimer

WARNING!

What you are about to read is really, really gross.

If you do not want to see any of these disgusting facts then click away now.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!


	2. Mario learns gross stuff

**Mario Learns disgusting things he wishes he didn't know**

Mario was at his computer and the 'excellent idea' struck his head. He'll google disgusting things. He sat at his computer and typed and stared at the search bar "am I really doing this? "he thought to himself as he started to type.

He found a website and started to read it. "10 things you wish you didn't know" read the title. He scrolled down and read it.

 **10) Vanilla flavour is made with Beaver butt!**

"Vanilla flavouring is made from an ingredient called Castoreum. It's a slimy brown substance that beavers use to mark territory. It's hidden under the unassuming name 'natural flavouring'."

Mario looked disgusted. He might as well throw up.

"Mario! It's me, peach! I brought you a cake!" peach said in delight as she came in.

"What-a-flavour is it?"

"Vanilla!"

Mario accepted it with false happiness. As soon as Peach was gone he threw it out of the window. There would be no vanilla for him for years to come.

"SCREAM! THERE'S A CAKE ON MY FACE" screamed a toad guard who was outside.

"oops…" said Mario. His attention focusing to the computer. Scrolling on and reading.

 **9) 50% of people have mites on their eyelashes. THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO REMOVE!**

"50% of the population of planet Earth (that's 3.8 billion people for all you uneducated people) have millions of microscopic mites that live in hair follicles all over the body. Their name is Demodex mites, they have a 2-week lifespan of them mating on our skin before the female buries deep into the hair follicle to lay her eggs. They have no bum so, they explode and release poop all over our body"

"I better go and-a-get a shower after this" he said after he threw up all over the floor. He scrolled down the webpage.

 **8) The most Poisonous spider EVER!**

"There is a spider native to central and south America, The Brazilian wandering spider is the most poisonous unfortunately for all you Americans, Europeans and Asians, it is found occasionally in groceries around the world. It's venomous bite can kill in 2 hours or you will have a painful, long and stiff peepee chute. In 2014, a UK man was driven out of his home when he found the spider in ASDA bananas."

Mario felt creeped out by this so, he turned behind him and there was a SPIDER on the wall.

"SCRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM!" Mario screamed as he swatted the spider. Once that was taken care of, he scrolled down the page.

 **7) Poop is EVERYWHERE!**

"A microbiologist discovered that some men's beards contain so much fecal matter that they're as dirty as toilets. A study by MythBusters also found that the spray from a flushing toilet can contaminate toothbrushes with fecal matter and fecal matter was also found on toothbrushes in another room."

"just…gross" said Mario, looking away from the screen and scrolling down

 **6) Obesity Virus!**

"The common virus AD-36 can cause obesity by encouraging the body to grow more fat cells. It's caught like the common cold and after 10 years of being exposed to the virus, people had a higher BMI and body fat percentage than those who didn't."

"Mario!" said Peach "I brought some cake! It's a new recipe I think you should try!"

Mario ate some then dumbed the rest in a drawer, it was pretty good. As it wasn't vanilla but, he thought about his weight for a minute before scrolling down.

 **5) Belly Button Bacteria!**

A recent study found that 1458 new species of bacteria living in participants' belly buttons. Everyone has an average of 67 bacteria species in their belly button. One man had bacteria in his belly button that was only previously found in Japanese soil and he never went to Japan!"

"I don't want to-a-think about that" said Mario while puking on the floor.

 **4) Jelly Beans and Sweets and Apples!**

"Shellac is a chemical made from the poop of the Kerria Lacca insect, it's used as a food additive. It's sprayed on everything including jelly beans, sweets and pills. The bugs themselves can get crushed in the making process and end up in the shellac themselves."

"MORE POO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Mario. He was happy that no-one could hear him or he would get some funny looks. He decided to scroll on.

 **3) Tree Man!**

"HPV is a common infection that causes small warts to develop on the body. It can be got through unprotected sex or infected blood. One Indonesian man caught the virus after cutting his knee. Due to his weak immune system, the warts turned into massive tree-like stumps.

"I don't-a-want to-a-look like that" said Mario while scrolling down again.

 **2) Toxoplasma Gondii!**

"33% of the world's population is infected by this personality infected by this personality-changing parasite called Toxoplasma Gondii. This virus can be caught from cats or undercooked meat. It makes men more aggressive and women more intelligent."

"Maybe that is-a-why I am so aggressive towards-a-Bowser." He thought while continuing to read.

"However, the parasite in linked to OCD, Schizophrenia and even suicidal behaviour"

"Oh! Definitely not then…"

 **1) The Lottery ticket of life**

"You have a 1/176000000 chance of winning the lottery. And you have a 1/10000000 chance of becoming a US president. But, you also have a higher chance of being killed on your way to buy the ticket than the chance you have to win the jackpot. The Euromillions is a bit easier with a 1/116531800."

"I maybe shouldn't have-a-read that" said Mario passing out.


	3. More gross and disturbing stuff

**Mario learns 10 More things he wishes he didn't know**

 **(A/N: I didn't do Mario's speech in an italian accent because it was too much work)**

"I can't believe Luigi dared me to do this again" said Mario as he looked at his computer "At least I'll get free Ravioli!"

Mario scrolled down the computer unenthusiastically looking for the facts.

 **10\. Lake of Bodies**

 _"_ _Lake Tahoe is found on the California-Nevada border and it is famous for having lots of bodies beneath it because it's so cold that they can't decompose so, they sink to the bottom where it is very hard to retrieve them"_

Mario looked out of the window and started to think to himself.

"I wonder how many people have fallen into there" Said Mario, referring to the lake that was near Peach's castle. He couldn't see any dead toads in there so he assumed none.

"Well, let's look on then"

 **9\. Anti-antibiotics**

 _"_ _Now, most antibiotics do not work because bacteria and viruses are evolving so fast that antibiotics will start to be ineffective against common diseases."_

Mario coughed *INSERT COUGHING SOUND HERE*

"OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO DIE"

 **(A/N: This is quite long… the O's took up 2 pages on Word)**

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Mario screamed

Once he calmed down, he continued

 **8\. Mass extinction**

 _"_ _We are currently in the 6_ _th_ _mass extinction in history and we're all behind it. Ever since humans began moving from continent to continent, large animals that survived for millions of years have disappeared by hunting, destroying habitat, introducing new species and spreading disease, you can call us the biggest **** in the history of the planet."_

"Good, I hope Bowser and his stupid kids die off first, then I can have Peach all to myself and bowser can no longer marry peach"

((Just in case you didn't know, Bowser attempts to marry peach in Super Mario odyssey, (or I think he does)

"I hope the rest are better" said Mario scrolling on

 **7\. Pubes for dinner**

****NOT SURE IF THIS IS ACCURATE AS I COULDN'T FIND A SOURCE FOR THIS****

 _"_ _The average person eats 12 pubic hairs per year from food, this isn't all fast food related. In fact, one Texas cook shaves his hoo-hoo hair and put it in food because he didn't like the customer"_

"peach…" mumbled Mario. Hoping she hasn't done this as well.

"well let's move on, I promised Luigi I'd get this done"

 **6\. The Mother who's not a mother**

 _"_ _In 2006, this one woman filed for public assistance in Washington but couldn't prove she was the mother of her own children. In fact, she failed 4 maternity tests even though she could clearly remember giving birth to them. Later, she discovered the horrifying truth that she had a twin sister in her mothers womb who got absorbed into this woman's reproductive organs, letting her carry different DNA parts in her body"_

"I hope that doesn't happen to mine and peach's kids if we decide to have them in the future" said Mario "In fact, we could call a boy Mario. Jr and the girl Peach. Jr"

"But, let's move on"

 **5\. You're a slave to yourself**

 _"_ _Although humans are highly developed and intelligent, it's shocking how primitive our brain works sometimes. You might be happy because it's sunny outside, you'll decide to sleep with someone based partly on smell, we hear information and use it to fuel our preconceptions and we're easily swayed by irrelevant details that don't matter but sound convincing. The more often you see someone or something, the more you'll like it, and memories are simply stories we tell ourselves over and over again each time we recall an event, not a true depiction of the facts"_

"My mind enslaved me to google this" said Mario

"time to move on"

 **4\. Coca-Cola**

 _"_ _It's amazing how much sugar is in all drinks sold in stores and supermarkets – but did you know that 1 can of coca cola actually contains 10 entire teaspoons of sugar_

 _Imagine adding that to every glass of water you drink – 1 can of this stuff alone equates to more than an entire days recommend daily sugar intake, not counting meals or any other drinks"_

"Maybe that's why Bowser's so fat! Yo Bowser's so FAT! He's a citizen of every country, except the Mushroom Kingdom because we don't like him"

"I HEARD THAT!" Shouted Bowser :) Bowser will get revenge

 **go kill yourself plant**

 _"_ _There is a stinging shrub found in Australia known as Gympie Gympie that will inject you with a neurotoxin so powerful that it will actually make you want to commit suicide The pain is likened to hot acid and electrocution at the same time – so intense that even animals try to kill themselves One man used this shrub for toilet paper, only to get the most painful burning of his life, to the point where he pulled out a gun and shot himself rather than go through it"_

"I'm going to throw away any plant in here"

 **2\. Climate Change**

 _"_ _We've only just recently begun to discover the side-effects of fossil fuels – and sadly humans have changed the world's climate for the rest of this century at least All the carbon dioxide gasses swirling around our planet are trapping the sun's heat inside our atmosphere, warming the planet This gas will linger for hundreds of years, and predictions for the future are starting to look bleak without imminent action"_

"Well, I can't say I'm not responsible. I'm the best hero ever and heroes don't damage the Earth"

 **1\. Drug resistant bacteria in food**

 _"_ _For the same reason the world is running out of anti-biotics, farmers feed their animals tons of it just to keep them alive. Because of this, livestock have developed drug-resistant bacteria inside their bodies – and it gets passed on to the meat we eat from supermarket shelves. The last statistic shows that 1 out of 4 of your pork chops have drug-resistant bacteria that'll soon end up passing through your stomach"_

"I'll never ever eat pork again!"

A toad suddenly came to the door.

"Mario! Dinner's ready" said the toad

"What is it?"

"roast pork with Mashed potatoes, roast potatoes, vegetables and mushrooms with gravy"

"Disgusting" Mario thought "but, on the bright side, I got through all those facts like Luigi dared me to now, I think I'll have dinner with my Darling Peach!"


End file.
